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Sometimes it was subtle, like tucking a strand of loose hair behind my ear, and sometimes it was an obvious play, like being in her panties and bra when I arrived for dinner or teasingly placing my hand on her breast. To be clear, I had developed a little crush on her. Our needs and desires are legitimate beyond the assumptions we encounter in this heteronormative culture. Beth and I worked as servers in a small restaurant in a small town. I stopped answering her text messages after that, stopped accepting lunch dates, no longer picked her up for work; I had to tell her, repeatedly, not to touch me. I asked my boss to be taken off shifts with her. Fetishizing and co-opting queer female sexualities and bodies are not the same thing as accepting and including them. This type of thing happens to queer people all the time, especially women, of whom emotional and sexual labour is already expected; cis straight men and women often reduce us to our sexualities, as if those sexualities made us a different breed of human, one which is queer first and a person second.

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