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Because it so obviously was — he was trying to grab handfuls of his tummy for emphasis, but was struggling to even get one hand full. I was at a friend's birthday party at a bar when I saw my future boyfriend Brian from across the room, talking to the birthday boy. I suddenly realized that this was not an attempt to put me down, but rather just a thing a completely normal thing, to him that he was disclosing about himself. I will flirt as hard as I can, and I will win myself back. This is the real you , I thought. But on the day I met Brian, I had just spent the previous year slowly winnowing off 50 pounds, almost entirely due to unemployment. I let myself believe the nice things people said. When a couple of co-workers and I published this post about "one size fits all" clothing last December, I was terrified at the types of things people would say about my body. Most of my life, my weight has felt like a search light from above that continually hounds me, putting the spotlight on my body even when I just want to hide.

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