Most nights, the three of us tangled together to sleep; absolute single motherhood was financially terrifying but filled my heart and head with complete love. After, there is the unfamiliar, wet reassurance of spunk on the sheets. That we have not lost each other. We sit for 20 minutes in a cafe, waiting for our gate to be called. My band of three became our band of four and then five, when Evangeline arrived in , and, soon after, six, when Dash was born. But we make an effort to put away screens during our time together. When I have sex I can forget all that control and be something different, unembarrassed and lustful, like an animal, but also absolutely human in a dark and disgusting way. And I was the parent the children turned to for help, since I was always there. Although I want the mess, the reality is terrifying.
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